I don't understand when I became so conflicted about every aspect of my life and I have spent the past hour trying to convince myself that it may not necessarily be a bad thing.
I have gone as far as to say: Do I even want to do this anymore?
As well as: Why am I doing this?
Somehow I have forgotten what I love about art. However, I feel that it is partially the result of my lackadaisical attitude about everything in my life. The whole summer and maybe even before that I have been struggling with the idea of my life, the people I know, the things that I am doing. I have a waning interest in everyone and everything, and I really don't know what to look forward to anymore.
Amongst the disparity of this all let me explain why this may not necessarily be a bad thing.
I am scared shitless. I have no idea what to expect and to be honest I am afraid that I just won't be able to handle things, but having nothing to look forward to opens the window of opportunity to just go with things. To delve head first into the unknown and see what will happen. I need to "makeover" my life not just as an artist. This will be painful, but in a different way.
Now, I just have to believe that I am right.
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